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Co-Sleeping
– Making it Work and Making it Safe
By
Elizabeth Pantley, author of Gentle Baby Care
Question:
We’re
expecting our first baby soon and thinking about using a
family bed. We’ve done a lot of research on the “whys”
¾
and there’s lots of information out there. But what
about the practical tips? How do we set things up?
Learn
about it
The
family bed, co-sleeping, shared sleep ¾
no matter what you call it, it means that your baby sleeps
with you, or very close to you. The family bed is becoming
more and more common (or perhaps it’s always been common
but more people are now talking about it.) Sharing sleep is
very popular with parents (particularly nursing mothers) of
young babies who wake throughout the night, since it allows
parents to avoid getting up out of bed and traveling up and
down a dark hallway. Co-sleeping is popular also with
parents of older babies who enjoy the nighttime closeness
with their child.
There are
as many different styles of family beds as there are
families! Here are a few of the typical sleeping
arrangements:
The
family bed: Parents and baby sleep together in one bed ¾
usually king-sized.
Side-by-side:
The child sleeps on a separate mattress or futon
on the floor next to the parent’s bed.
Sidecar:
A cradle or
crib is nestled adjacent to the parent’s bed, sometimes
with one side of the crib removed.
Shared
room: The
baby and parents have separate beds in the same room.
The use
of these arrangements varies from home to home also. Some of
the common sleep situations are:
Shared
sleep with the baby
during the night and for naps.
Part-time
shared sleep for either naps or nighttime only, or some
of both, with baby in a crib, cradle or other place for
other sleep times.
Mom’s
dual beds is a common setup in which Mommy has one place
where she sleeps with the baby, and another where she sleeps
with her husband. She moves back and forth between beds
based on how often the baby wakes up and how tired she is
on any given night.
Musical
beds are a common arrangement. There are several beds in
different rooms, and parents and baby shift from place to
place depending on each evening’s situation.
Occasional
family bed is when the baby has her own crib or bed but
is welcomed into the parent’s bed whenever she has a bad
dream, feels sick, or needs some extra cuddle time.
Sibling
bed is often a natural followup to the family bed. Older
children share sleep after they outgrow the need for the
parent’s bed or the sidecar arrangement.
How to
decide
Every
family has different nighttime needs. There is no single
best arrangement that works for all babies and parents. Even
within a family, there may be several “right” options to
choose from. The key is to find the solution that feels
right to everyone in your family.
It’s
very important to eliminate your need or desire to satisfy
anyone else’s perception of what you should be
doing. In other words, no matter what your in-laws, your
neighbors, your pediatrician, or your favorite author says
about sleeping arrangements, the only “right” answer is
the one that works for the people living in your home.
Making
it safe
If you
decide to have your baby sleep with you, either for naps or
at nighttime, you should adhere to the following safety
guidelines:
§
Your bed must be
absolutely safe for your baby. The best choice is to place
the mattress on the floor, making sure there are no crevices
that your baby can become wedged in. Make certain your
mattress is flat, firm, and smooth. Do
not allow your baby to sleep on a soft surface such as a
waterbed, sofa, pillow-top mattress, or any other flexible
surface.
§
Make
certain that your fitted sheets stay secure and cannot be
pulled lose.
§
If your bed is
raised off the floor, use mesh guardrails to prevent Baby
from rolling off the bed, and be especially careful that
there is no space between the mattress and headboard or
footboard. (Some guardrails designed for older children are
not safe for babies because they have spaces that could
entrap babies.)
§
If your bed is
placed against a wall or other furniture, check every night
to be sure there is no space between the mattress and wall
or furniture where baby could become stuck.
§
Infants should be
placed between their mother and the wall or guardrail.
Fathers, siblings, and grandparents don't have the same
instinctual awareness of a baby’s location as mothers do.
Mothers, your little one should be able to awaken you with a
minimum of movement or noise. If you find that you are such
a deep sleeper that you only wake when your baby lets out a
loud cry, you should seriously consider moving Baby out of
your bed, perhaps in to a cradle or crib near your bedside.
§
Use a large
mattress to provide ample room for everyone’s movement.
§
Consider a sidecar
arrangement in which Baby’s crib or cradle sits directly
beside the main bed as one option.
§
Make certain that
the room your baby sleeps in, and any room he might have
access to, is child-safe. (Imagine your baby crawling out of
bed to explore the house as you sleep. Even if he has not
done this — yet — you can be certain he eventually
will!)
§
Do not ever sleep
with your baby if you have been drinking alcohol, have used
any drugs or medications, are an especially sound sleeper or
if you are suffering from sleep deprivation and find it
difficult to awaken.
§
Do not sleep with
your baby if you are a large person, as a parent’s excess
weight has been determined to pose a risk to baby in a
co-sleeping situation. While I cannot give you a specific
parent’s weight to baby ratio, examine how you and Baby
settle in next to each other. If Baby rolls towards you, if
there is a large dip in the mattress, or if you suspect any
other dangerous situations, play it safe and move Baby to a
bedside crib or cradle.
§
Remove all pillows
and blankets during the early months. Use extreme caution
when adding pillows or blankets as your baby gets older.
Dress Baby and yourselves warmly. (A tip for breastfeeding
moms: wear an old turtleneck or t-shirt, cut up the middle
to the neckline, as an undershirt for extra warmth.) Keep in
mind that body heat will add warmth during the night. Make
sure your baby doesn’t become overheated.
§
Do not wear any
night-clothes with strings or long ribbons. Don’t wear
jewelry to bed, and if your hair is long, put it up.
§
Don’t use strong
perfumes or lotions that may affect your baby’s
delicate senses.
§
Do not allow pets
to sleep in bed with your baby.
§
Never leave your
baby alone in an adult bed unless it is perfectly safe. For
example, placing Baby on a mattress on the floor in a
childproof room, when you are nearby or listening in with a
reliable baby monitor.
§
As of the now there
are no proven safety devises for use in protecting a baby in
an adult bed. However, as a result of the great number of
parents who wish to sleep safely with their babies, a number
of new inventions are beginning to appear in baby catalogs
and stores. You may want to look into some of these nests,
wedges and cradles.
§
Make sure that your
young baby is sleeping on his or her back – the safest
position for sleep.
When
to make changes
Sleeping
situations tend to go through a transformation process
throughout the early years of a baby’s life. Some families
make a conscious decision to co-sleep with their babies
until they feel that their children are ready for
independent sleeping. Some families make modifications as
their babies begin to sleep better at night. Other families
move their babies to cribs to accommodate a need for private
sleep. The best advice is, go with the flow ¾
and make adjustments according to what works best for you.
For
more information
The
No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep
Through the Night
By
Elizabeth Pantley (McGraw-Hill/Contemporary
Books, March 2002)
Nighttime
Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep
By Dr.
William Sears (Plume,
November 1999)
Good
Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (And a
Peaceful Night's Sleep)
by Jay
Gordon (Griffin
Trade Paperback, July 2002)
This
article is a copyrighted excerpt from Gentle
Baby Care
by
Elizabeth Pantley.
(McGraw-Hill, 2003)
Website:
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
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