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Get
Your Toddler to Cooperate!
By
Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Kid Cooperation and Perfect
Parenting
Toddlers
and preschoolers require finesse to gain their cooperation,
because they have not yet reached the age at which they can
see and understand the whole picture, so simply explaining
what you want doesn’t always work. Robert Scotellaro is
quoted in The Funny
Side of Parenthood as saying, “Reasoning with a
two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the
Titanic.” (He must have had a two-year-old at the time.)
You can
get around this frustrating state of affairs by changing
your approach. Let’s look at two situations – first the
typical (Titanic) way:
Parent:
David! Time to change your diaper.
David:
No! (As he runs off)
Parent:
Come on honey. It’s time to leave, I need to change
you.
David:
(Giggles and hides behind sofa)
Parent:
David, this isn’t funny. It’s getting late. Come
here.
David:
(Doesn’t hear a word. Sits down to do a puzzle.)
Parent:
Come here! (Gets up and approaches David)
David:
(Giggles and runs)
Parent:
(Picking up David) Now lie here. Stop squirming! Lie
still. Will you stop this!
(As parent turns
to pick up a new diaper, a little bare bottom is running
away)
I’m
sure you’ve all been there. Oh, and by the way, David is my
son. And this was an actual scene recorded in his baby book.
Like you, I got very tired of this. And then I discovered a
better way:
Parent:
(Picking up diaper and holding it like a puppet,
making it talk in a silly, squeaky voice)
Hi David! I’m
Dilly Diaper! Come here and play with me!
David:
(Running over to Diaper) Hi Dilly!
Parent as
Diaper: You’re
such a nice boy. Will you give me a kiss?
David:
Yes. (Gives diaper a kiss)
Parent as
Diaper: How
‘bout a nice hug?
David:
(Giggles and hugs Diaper)
Parent as
Diaper: Lie right here next to me. Right here. Yup. Can I go
on you? Oh yes?!
Goody
goody goody! (The diaper chats with David while he’s being
changed. Then it says, Oh, David! Listen, I hear your shoes
calling you – David! David!
The most
amazing thing about this trick is that it works over and
over and over and over. You’ll keep thinking, “He’s
not honestly going to fall for this again?” But he will!
Probably the nicest by-product of this method is that it
gets you in a good mood and you have a little fun time with
your child.
When
you’ve got a toddler this technique is a pure lifesaver.
When my son David was little I used this all the time. (I
then used it with my youngest child, Coleton, and it worked
just as well.) Remembering back to one day, when David was
almost three, we were waiting in a long line at the grocery
store and I was making my hand talk to him. It was asking
him questions about the items in the cart. Suddenly, he
hugged my hand, looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I love
for you to pretend this hand is talking.”
Another
parent reported that she called her toddler to the table for
dinner a number of times, when he calmly looked up at her,
chubby hands on padded hips and said, “Mommy, why don’t
you have my dinner call to me?”
And
suddenly, the peas on his plate came to life and called out
to him; he ran over to join the family at the dinner table.
A
variation on this technique, that also works very well, is
to capitalize on a young child’s vivid imagination as a
way to thwart negative emotions. Pretend to find a trail of
caterpillars on the way to the store, hop to the car like a
bunny, or pretend a carrot gives you magic powers as you eat
it.
It’s
delightful to see how a potentially negative situation can
be turned into a fun experience by changing a child’s
focus to fun and fantasy.
Excerpted
with permission from Kid
Cooperation, How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and
Get Kids to Cooperate by
Elizabeth Pantley (http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth,
copyright 1996) Published by New Harbinger Publications,
Inc. (http://www.newharbinger.com/)
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